Archive for the ‘Mind’ Category

Words Of A Prostitute Imporisoned For being Insane

March 5, 2010


Ayad Gharbawi

Oil On Canvas - Ayad Gharbawi

October 3 2009 – Damascus, Syria

What do I think

Who I am ?

I do not know

Who I am?

I am nothing.

That, I know

My ‘dignity’, my ‘morality’

Are scattered

As my meanings are

In fact my entire being

My entire mind

Is scattered

To have any meaningful meaning!

Do you like that?

I mean my words?

Do you like my words?

I lay down in my cell

And sometimes I entertain myself

Are you entertained?

Am I doing any good job for you?

I am and have been

Hated and loved

By idiots, all over and everywhere

And, anyway

They all receded from the muddied shores

Of my sorrowful memories

I am a ‘human’

I think

Who exists

Believing in nothing for anything to be eternal

While everyone surrounding me

Are liars killers and simple-minded thinkers of murder


With a love of their needs that is surely equal to



With its Cold brutality

Passionate blood bursting with heat


And then you’ll need more heated



I live in a box

You called apartments

Are you ‘humans’ serious?!

Wages stingy

Prices posh

And how then are we supposed

To make our ends meet?

And how was I supposed to pay

My wages?


Sin or no Sin

My landlord

Wants his slimy money

Man you bastard!

You have has only committed crime after crime!

I tell you screaming

You’re the only animal

Who needs to blush

From your vomity lies

That you have been force feeding us

And that have been

That have been searingly etched all over

My skull, my dry brain that has been pounded by your lying fists

You who ‘promise’ me ‘love’ and ‘happiness’

And then you all deceive me

Leaving me alone

Unknowing humans

Are you really so ‘unknowing’?

I’m not sure, myself

Now when I look at you all

In the streets, in your homes

I feel, yes, that

You can’t think

You can’t feel

That is certain, for my security of truth

Your intelligence

Is ape-like


Can you ever succeeded

No no no no

Beauty is well beyond you

Yes, you are beautiful for this moment

But didn’t you kind of notice

Your soul is cracked, my Dear?


Contradictions In Life!

March 1, 2010


Ayad Gharbawi

A love


And a truth


No longer


Begins to


At herself.

Unbelieving eyes

Come to feel


This now moment

That has so


Your only lifetime’s


Of worthlessness.

Studies In Reality: Changing Faces In One Face

February 28, 2010


Ayad Gharbawi

October 16, 2009

Why is it that one face can have so many different variations? One face can literally have an endless number of different images that can be dissimilar to the so-called ‘original’ face. So is there an ‘original’ face? No, there is not, precisely due to the existence of these unlimited number of faces that we can see in that one face. So, what is the ‘face’ on an individual if there isn’t ‘one’ face? The answer is that all the images are the ‘truth’ of what the person in question looks like.

But isn’t there a lowest common denominator? Surely, when we imagine a person, we do have a certain image of that person’s face? And surely that ‘certain image’ allows every person to immediately recognise the person in question? All these statements are true, but they do not change the fact that every face has an unlimited number of images. And, yes, every face, does have a lowest common denominator, and by that, I mean that every face has certain basic, common physical attributes that allow us to recognise it.

But how is it that ‘one’ face can have so many different images? Because within ever second, a face changes its facial muscles thus creating another image. These changes occur so fast, that it is best to see them in photos, or in slow motion. That is why we sometimes do not like the way we look in photos: but these unwanted images are part of you, wether we like them or not.

Another complicating factor is that the face, over time and experiences, does constantly change physically; so much so, that in many cases, one can hardly recognise a person between the time and ages of 20 and 60.

Let us go back to the question of, how exactly does a face change and produce so many images?

What factors affect visual perception?

I did say that changes in facial muscles are responsible for changes in the facial image. But there is more. Another factor is our own changing mood. Our changing moods will also affect our changing perception of the face in front of us. For example, if we happen to despise the observed face, then it is likely that we will view a negative image as being evil, ugly or bland. The next factor, is movement. Any movement by us and any movement by the observed person’s face will affect the images we perceive. Next, our own visual standards. One person’s vision may be stronger or weaker than another person’s vision, and that affects our perception of a face. Another factor is light. The strength or weakness of the available light will affect your perception of the image in front of you

What gives the face its most emotional content?

Without doubt, it is the eyes that give the most emotional expression to a face. Here too, there are constant changes. Indeed, were we to cover the eyes, it becomes difficult – if not annoying and frustrating – for us to ‘read’ the face before us. The next most expressive part of the face are the lips and mouth. Finally, it is the voice that affects our perceptions of the face.

Now all these factors affect our perception of a face before us: and, to stress, it is a constantly changing situation. Given all these sensitive factors involved, it is hardly surprising that a face constantly changes its images.

Thus, our perception of a face, in any given time frame, will be affected by: changes in the observed facial muscles + changes in our mood + changes in our movement + changes in our visual acuity + changes in the light around us + changes in the observed person’s eyes + changes in the observed person’s lips and mouth + changes in the observed person’s voice.

All these factors constantly interact with each other at the same moment in time and they immediately produce and create the ever changing face you see.

It is perhaps because of these complications that it can be so easy to forget a face. After all, the face is not a one, fixed image before us. Perhaps this fact causes us to have some difficulties in recognition and in its remembrance.

It is fascinating to see how a face changes almost instantly even though, at times, it hardly alters the above mentioned factors. Indeed, you notice a face before you, changes constantly, from moment to moment. The face is like any colour with all its infinite number of variations in its hues, brilliance, tint, tone, dullness and shades.

Thus, we see that our study of the perception of ‘reality returns us to that grand infinite number of images, moods or emotions and sounds that are constantly and immediately changing nano-second by nano-second, and, in turn, producing differing images and differing sounds, that in turn, produce for us observers, what we deem to be ‘reality’ before us.

There is no ‘unity’ here; the perception of a face contains an infinite number of changing images.

Reality is not a unified structure.

Ayad Gharbawi

Is The Mind Unique For Each Person?

February 28, 2010


Ayad Gharbawi

October 24, 2009 – Damascus, Syria

When we ask ‘who am I’? let us say, that we are asking the question with the view that we are inquiring within the timeframe of that precise moment the question is being asked.

Who am I ‘now’, at this moment?

How do we define ourselves when asking that question within the time frame (TF) asked for?

Any mind, or observer (Ob), when thinking about himself, and when thinking about ‘who’ he is at that moment, will necessarily be able to think and visualise a finite number of thoughts, emotions and images.

This ‘finite’ number need not distract us here, but I do mention it precisely because we are asking this question within the ‘now’ context. Thus, there is not a lot of time to think and define.

Within the time frame of the ‘now’, any person can easily see his immediate surroundings; he can see and feel his body, he can sense his emotions, he can tell us of his current needs, loves, requirements, ambitions, failings, disappointments and so on. These facts can easily be spoken by any mind being asked this question. They are not difficult to be realized.

Do these attributes then define the essence of the Observer (Ob) in question?

Yes, for that particular short time frame (TF), the answer is yes.

It will sound to many people disappointing, because we are used to thinking and reading and listening to literature and to what our society and our culture telling us that our mind is unique, profoundly deep and even for some, mystical (whatever the latter term means).

But, when we ask ‘who are you right now’? then there is little that can be said to be so unique or profound in most people, precisely because most human beings cannot be so ‘unique’ within the same of a few seconds.

Thus, the time factor reduces our uniqueness factor to being a nonentity.

But does that mean we are all copies of one another?

No, it does not.

Why? Because one has to calculate that for every individual person, (Ob), the ‘now’ in question, will reveal unto us a certain, limited number of a matrix of emotions, feelings, surroundings and situations that can never be the exact same copy of the person next to you.

In other words, within the time frame (TF) of each Observer (Ob), you will find an infinite number of groupings of the constituents of the mind (com) – or, emotions, feelings, hopes, despair (see article, ‘Constituents of the Mind (com)’) and that no two people can have the exact same flavours, shades and hues of any emotion.

And so, within the context of a finite number of (com) as we discussed above, no two persons can ever have the exact same mind matrix.

However, we do need to stress this point, and that is, within any short time-frame, all people, and all minds, cannot be unique or deep in the sense that they are radically different from one another.

Thus if you meet a world famous philosopher or physicist, and you may think what a profound mind sits in front of me, that is fine, but it would be inaccurate. Why? Because unless this genius is in the process of thinking about profound matters, and if you were to ask him, ‘who are you now?’ then he would be forced (if he were honest and not an arrogant soul) to say to you that he is a mind that is currently made up of common emotions, thoughts and images.

Now we will move on to the mind in general terms, with respect to time.

Stretch time some more, and yes, the genius will certainly show us a unique mind when he is creating and thinking out the profound issues that interest him, but once he has finished from that process, he reverts to being no different to other people.

Some people may object by saying, “Yes, but this genius of ours, even when he’s not ‘being a genius’ is still so awe-inspiring and different’ in his behaviour”.

Yes, but so are millions of other people, who are certainly no geniuses, but they may equally inspire some people and impress others – all these are impressions by impressionable people. And if these impressionable people were to live with our genius on a day to day basis, they will eventually get to realize that the genius is a ‘genius’ for specific spaces in time, while during the rest of his waking hours he is not that different from the ordinary people.

The genius can shown us the products of his genius and we all say to him that yes, he does indeed have a unique mind, but that ‘unique mind’ can hardly be ‘unique’ all the time.

So if this essay is disappointing to some, then so be it.

The truth of the ‘reality’ is that the mind, for the most part, is not that different from anyone else, and we are not so ‘mysterious’ or fascinating as so many people seem to believe in.

Ayad Gharbawi