Posts Tagged ‘Ayad Gharbawi’

Contradictions In Life!

March 1, 2010


Ayad Gharbawi

A love


And a truth


No longer


Begins to


At herself.

Unbelieving eyes

Come to feel


This now moment

That has so


Your only lifetime’s


Of worthlessness.


Christian Disciple

March 1, 2010


Ayad Gharbawi

Silent Martyr!

How can I hear you, then

If all the Tears

You speak of


My Face


Their Hatreds

All over

My brain?

Chains Mental

March 1, 2010


Ayad Gharbawi

See angels

In your mind

In their paths undefined still

See the mirror

Staring at you

Yes, you

All along

I knew that was my message

I tried to give within you

In the eyes of hatreds

That saw somewhat too much

I tried to explain

In my life limited

By chains mental

Ah but you ought to have known my

Friendless friend!

Somehow I deemed all others

Somehow more understanding

I guess I misunderstood it all

All in all

Self Oppression Against Yourself

March 1, 2010

Self Oppression Against Yourself

Ayad Gharbawi

Those that greedily scorn you, they that persist in

Surrounding you and touching you;

Those that innately despise your Being, exist all around you

Screaming themselves to be your

‘Friends’, ‘Lovers’ and ‘Family’

But, think, I speak to you –

For, you are alien in thought and appearance to them

You are their reminders of what they themselves cannot ever Be

You create these Reflections of Fright that breathes

In their intertwined ribs of Perversities;

Listen! For you are what?

You are the Symbol Painful of their Evil

For these Sickening Sinner, who

Whenever contemplating the Lucid Portrait

That you have painted

And that you have so effortlessly

Exposed to their sickened sadistic Brains

And, yes, they become terrified;

Terrified of what, you ask me?

They become severely frightened

Of themselves

And that is why they turn their cheeks

From their own Sadistic Selves

From the portrait of themselves

And they twist now on to another path

Far removed from their own realities

And they thereby


Their murderous work

Understand, then, the Dangerous Emptiness which is around you

Understand, then, the Culture of Stupidity that they have surfaced from

For theirs is the land of silliness too real to behold

Theirs is the Land of Self-Fear

This is the land of Stupidity

The Civilisation of Plasticity

The Culture of Brainless Beautiful Bodies

Nations totalitarian render masses fearful of authorities on all levels

Yes, how true, but wait!

Nations democratic render masses fearful of what is within each Soul

Their stolen identities, lost and gone

The Screams of Munch reverberate and pound and murmur and sigh daily

In their varied manifestations and voices

In their varied moods and appearances within your insides.

Fear of one’s Self

The fear to discover human bonds, and not the norm

The fear to realize your need for Humanity, Warmth and Substance that

Cannot be attained

For, it does rarely reside in the homeland of the humans – the brain.

Yet, if loneliness and an island you become, you shall suffer accordingly

Social animals we are

Defective society turns your Personality, your Essence and your Being that is real

It turns and transforms you into the forests of Living Graves;

The same decomposing graves that are situated so deeply

Underground; and that lurk frightfully and mockingly

Within the sinister murkiness of your Disconnected Minds –

And then, you suffer necessarily, as you must, given your Unreasonable Realities

For, you are Alone and within Stillness, you exist

Existing in an open cage they call ‘Life’

And I call Self Oppression

And your varied passions and necessary needs do not hear their echoes

Nor do you see the murmurs of meaningful eyes from anyone anymore.

A dilemma such as this, needs to be understood and replaced

With healing ideas, Sacred and Eternal in their Supreme Serenity;

I tell you, o souls, Spiritual and Meek;

Treat the waxy masks around you,

Who casually call themselves your ‘Friends’, your ‘Lovers’, your ‘Family’

Treat them with your steel masks

Enjoy what you can enjoy

Try to nourish your bodily needs

There is no shame in that!

Even though they may be the driest fruits of your existence

For the recluse’s life can lead to further pains and mental torture

Read, write, sing; these Essences and Activities shall help

With the slowed passages of time

Co-exist, inasmuch as you can

Inasmuch as your masks allow you to co-exist

For you know, there shall be a tomorrow for you

The years of weariness and withering wilderness, shall cease

Hope in a superior tomorrow is a jewel and an essence of Humanity

The Fabric of your Life is that Hope

Without it, you suffer being but bitter and dying in your living

In between miserable conflicting strands of emotions and behaviour.

Sad Of The Earth

February 28, 2010


Ayad Gharbawi

September 4, 1989 – Boston

As thinking creatures we must evolve mentally towards achieving a humanity within ourselves for whereas physical growth proceeds unguided mental growth requires a continual and firm guidance on the part of ourselves with the help of society and culture.

So people believe, as adults, that they are ‘human beings’. Biologically so, but mentally they are not for the truth is most of Mankind do not struggle mentally in increasing their awareness of life’s constituents. The average person is no Ghandi or Martin Luther King or Guevara. To be ‘human’ means mental struggle, it does not appear casually – for ironically most people’s lives are routine in terms of work, and lifestyle, yet mentally most people exist casually, rarely thinking in and of itself, rather, more often reacting to events that surround them.

Why do most people exist so casually with their minds? The vast majority of people are sad and sadness is a stigma, just as in truth, loneliness is also a stigma. Rarely will a person who is asked, ‘How do you feel?’ reply ‘I feel lonely’. Furthermore, sadness amongst us all seems a relentless enemy clinging to our routine daily lives. The sad of the earth see futility’s face when it comes to mental evolution for themselves. The sad of the earth exist with a thousand and one griefs: self-hatred, self-shame and fear and so on. So, abused, reviled and chronically ignored by culture, the sad of the earth exist on through their lives daily coping with their mental burden via drunkenness, violence and self deception.

We speak of the sad of the earth and that segment of people who endure and suffer the most from grief – women, for they do not evolve mentally while their identity is raped and their womanhood is rendered extinct and repressed and so they are not true ‘women’, but the acting out of the patriarchal ideas. The average woman today is not mentally a woman from the aspect of the profound and unique sense of womanhood. The greatest absurdity is the self-deception by women who seriously believe themselves to be mentally women. Thus they do not struggle to be a woman, and to embrace her exotic womanhood that has nothing to do with patriarchalist’s dreams perverse.

Sad of the earth everywhere and within us and within you. Recollections of life dramatically vague, while conversations appear empty, repetitative and predictable.

Despair is not merely a resident of the so-called ‘intellectuals’, rather it lies with the vast majority of troubled humanity.

What a liar and hypocrite politics turns out to be, for if the latter’s aim and goals and tasks are to alleviate humankind’s woes and stress then little of that goal and task has been reached by politicians, political authorities and so-called ‘scholars’. Politics has been boring to the masses precisely because the authorities and the so-called ‘scholars’ have rendered its essence chained and unheard and thus the authorities with the political power, along with the ruling elites, have stripped politics of its basic and fundamental raison d’etre.

Politics that is stripped of its essential task has become a boring entity – it is an irrelevance to the majority, for in politics people  do not see the essential humanitarianism within it.

Humanitarianism has been murdered, sacrificed for greed and a world that easily sells manufactured and utterly destructive symbols and concepts like sex, violence and drugs for Man’s mental consumption.

It is indeed the lobotomization of human beings, and those in despair will readily fall ill from the bland Disneyland ‘culture’ and ‘philosophy’ our poor planet is gradually drowning in.

The withering of humanitarianism is masked by the powerful euphemism of high technology – for they tell us we are entering the ‘Age of High Technology’ which is actually a threat but which is always spoken in the most kind tones – even though their intentions are grievous, for high-tech is a grand tool to make Man a mere idiotic, passive so-called ‘human’.

The ‘Age of High-Tech’, the ‘Globalization of our World’ – all these phrases and facts are deliberate and simple attempts to retaliate against what is really, in truth, the Age of the Death of Man.

Ayad Gharbawi

Does An Ideal Marriage Exist?

February 28, 2010


June 17 2009

Ayad Gharbawi

Can an ideal marriage exist?

Or is the entire concept a Man-made construction?

Before we start this discussion, we ought to, as a beginning, ask ourselves: What is an ‘ideal marriage’?

Presumable an ‘ideal marriage’ is one where there is harmony, love and understanding between the couple. Yes, there may be friction, arguments and differences of opinion, but on the whole, an ‘ideal marriage’ is one where the union between the husband and wife there is generally a loving couple, who have mutual respect, understanding, compassion for each other.

Do such marriages exist?

Or, are we being over romantic here?

Now, yes, you will hear of couples who do declare themselves to be in a state of blissful marriage; but, can we believe them?

An ideal marriage presupposes relative harmony between man and wife. The question here is this: how can there that ‘relative harmony’ when in our world today we face so many distressing challenges, difficulties and seemingly endless problems? Furthermore, how can there be ‘relative harmony’ when, without knowing it, people themselves are in conflict against themselves? When people have insecurities, anxieties and difficulties in controlling their own emotions?

So, when you have all these factors between two people, how can one create love, peace and harmony?

I argue, that in our complicated and most difficult times of these days, an ‘ideal marriage’ is almost impossible to achieve.

Let me elaborate.

I will first of all discuss the turmoil that exists between Man and himself.

Today, we see people who are unsure of themselves. They have low self esteem, they have nagging insecurities; they have endless worries about ‘who’ they are; they have fears as to how they should behave in this or that social situation.

The fact is, that Man in this 21st century is an Anxious, Insecure Man.

When you are unsure of what or ‘who’ your identity is; when you are anxious about how to behave – then you create a conflict between your mind and yourself. This conflict, in turn, creates emotional turmoil and pain.

The opposite scenario would be: a person who is confident and utterly sure of him/herself, has serenity and peace of mind, precisely because, he/she have no doubts, fears and anxieties in the first place.

But the number of self-confident people are few and far between.

The majority of people, especially the young, are fundamentally unsure, anxious souls.

I will not go into the reason as to why we have this awful situation, whereby a majority of people are in this state that we’ve been discussing. That is not the subject of this article. (I do discuss the latter subject in other articles).

Secondly, Man is in constant stress due to his surroundings – and by that, I mean, his society, its economy, its traditions, values and its culture.

It is not difficult to fathom the reasons and the factors that cause so much stress and distress to ordinary people as they daily face their environment. Take economics. Obviously, in every country and in every society, a major stress creating factors are: poverty, low wages, stressful jobs, insecurity in one’s job (ie. Not knowing if you are still going to be employed tomorrow or not), unemployment and so on.

Another source of stress, is a person’s conflict with his society’s culture, values traditions and so on.

So we see, thus far, how Man is stressed out from these factors, and it is this turbulent, unbalancing situation, that causes man and wife to feel so much pain, aggravation and anger, so that the latter negative emotions will inevitably interfere with one’s marriage.

You cannot separate these conflicts from your marriage.

It would be either naïve, ignorant or stupid to imagine, that one can deny, that the emotional factors we’ve been discussing, can be safely isolated from one’s married life.

Indeed, it is precisely the foolish ‘romantics’ who somehow believe that a married couple can ignore all these emotional factors!

That is why, they are ‘foolish’; because, like an ostrich hiding its head in the sand, ignoring a storm, is not exactly going to immunize you from that very storm!

Unfortunately, there are other factors that can create a dysfunctional marriage.

The man discovers that there are habits and attitudes he does not like in his wife – and, the vice versa. This comes as a surprise for both partners to discover attributes that they do not like in each other. You argue and try to change each other’s attitudes and habits.

But, alas, nothing changes.

So, what comes next?

Anger and resentment as both sides eye each other with a degree of dissatisfaction – but, what on earth can you actually do?

No change, as both sides stick to their guns.

Next, you may discover that your spouse has changed as a personality. This may come suddenly or it may evolve over the years.

Suddenly, to your horror, you discover that, ‘This isn’t the same person I married!’

But, again here, what can you do about it?

You obviously do not – and cannot – love this ‘different’ spouse you are living with, precisely because of the changes that has occurred in their personalities.

And then, there is that biggest marriage-killer of them all: boredom!

Yes, you knew it, boredom!

How can you ‘love’ anyone when you see them day in, day out, seven days a week, 365 days in a year?!

It becomes almost inevitable and inexorable that you get bored!

What, then, is ‘Love’? ‘Infatuation’? ‘Romance’?

To me, these emotions are when a person is exceptionally excited about another person without actually knowing who that person is.

In other words, these emotions are based on a fantasy, and not quite on the more mundane reality.

Quite often, love is based on a person’s weakness and insecurity, and that is precisely why love is doomed to failure.

What do I mean by ‘weakness’?

For example, a person may feel his/her life is dull, boring and empty; suddenly they see an exciting, glamorous person and that creates in their heart a swelling of excitement. This momentary excitement can be ‘defined’, or interpreted by the person, as a state of being in love.

A person may feel insecure about themselves. Suddenly they meet a person who is very sure of himself; a strong character. Not surprisingly, you find that the weak person falls in love with this strong minded person, because the latter satisfies his need for a stronger person, who will cover for his own weakness.

All these reasons why a person ‘falls in love’, are based on false premises and they will mostly wither away in time.

Death Of Man

February 28, 2010


September 30, 1989 – London

Ayad Gharbawi

For many the turbulence of life are inexplicable and profoundly frustrating our faith in goodwill. What is the essence of personal meaning in a world where human relations are becoming increasingly fragile? What is the meaning of this world when only one in a thousand will succeed in his lifestyle? And what of the majority others left stranded by forces that apparently none can escape from? What is the meaning of this world where millions upon millions are forced to work in underpaid tiring jobs? While the extravagances of wealth are accepted, tolerated, applauded and esteemed, where does that leave the rest of humanity?

The twists of hypocrisy numb and stagger, while our changing moods react to this world of ours. We watch pontificating and condescending authorities speak of facts and visions bearing little relevance that are in any way significant to the average soul.

We listen to the oft-repeated clichés people employ as language has become script for so many a pre-recorded programme with little room given for free thought. Conversations of blandness, set-piece questions and answers and people ‘exchange’ ideas and thoughts on set pre-defined topics.

The turbulence of life are numerous and dense. The sad quality of human nature renders much of our need for meaning and fulfilment a useless quest. The chaotic nature of the human mind renders our hopes and desires resting on fragile ground. For dependence on humans to satisfy our needs is a risky adventure, precisely because most humans are themselves lost with no identities and suffering a severe sense of one’s security.

In truth, we are alone. Alone as any planet, for though you may be part of a constellation of ‘friends’ and ‘family’, and though you may be part of a grand interconnected web of interests and lifestyles and motives, you are still, in essence, alone as any revolving planet is.

In this vast universe where the uncertainty principle dominates, you exist in isolation with no adequate means of knowing your security of your journey’s path.

This truth, in turn, grinds down upon your hearts as we walk our daily lives here there. The heavy truth is that we are all alone and that the caring ones are fast decreasing in numbers. Our world is being divided between the cruel ones and the frightened ones, whilst the brave, heroic ones are dying out, and an increasingly lame society and an increasingly brainless culture, renders it more and more difficult to continue enacting out that heroic role.

The Age of Quantum is the Age of Uncertainty!

The destruction of the self due to its gradual erosion and fragmentation. United personalities are being hacked away by the effects of a profoundly idiotic ‘culture’. These poisonous gazes that culture spits out creates a decoherent, paralyzed sense of meaning to our daily lives.

It is far more comfortable to exist numbly rather than to exist with a thinking mind, because the latter frightens us, given the ugly truths of our reality. For to reflect upon one’s condition is to divulge the secrets of who we are all trying to repress and hide. The hidden secrets of our hearts that would awaken our eyes to the sordid spectacle of human nature afloat everywhere are not so easily to bear, even though the hidden secrets of our hearts we all can know of – if we desired to seek.

For in truth, the real vision of human nature is far too exceedingly ugly to behold!

Yet your persevering repression breeds chaos and greater fragility. Repression creates rage and an increasing sense of being lost in one’s own life. All creatures, great and small, the rich and famous, the hungry ones and the beggars, the middle class workers and the destitute unemployed ones all share one common grief: the sense of a lack of personal fulfilment for one’s vital existential needs.

So what is this life teaching us? What is this life conveying to our impressions? As the days pass by, the years and experiences being remembered, what calculations do you create and what results do you deduce therefrom?

The different sceneries you witness, the deep conversations you have had and the experiences you have been through, what essences do you infer therefrom? For in the final analysis, do we not all have a personal ideology for fine tuning our attitudes and lives in a positive and fulfilling direction?

And what of those afflicted with a terminal illness? What greater paradox can there be in life? How can we equate the authoritative, pontificating steadfast words of some, when for some others extinction is a near certainty and thus making their brief lives so utterly wretched?

Paradoxes of life!

The soldier killed at the dawn of war and the soldier killed in the final hour of the war. The prisoner of war who is summarily chained to an enforced loneliness and a casual sentence of frightful solitude and brutality for an unspecified time. What explanations do we offer ourselves when we try to understand the words and meanings of the puzzles of life?

The delicate nature of all souls in their routine lives saddens us. The quick discovery that life’s offerings are bland and predictable.

The architecture of loneliness; the architecture of gloom; the architecture of mass-produced, cheap, drab houses surround our bewildered visions: these are our home towns; these are our cities – this is where our solitude comes from. The extremely ugly row of houses, the high-rise gray buildings, the dull corner shop, the bleak streets are common sceneries we all witness and experience hourly. This, then, is the architecture in which we are to live our entire lives?

Well, I say there can be no proper, decent and healthy living in these repugnant circumstances. We can only repress our emerging grief and our daily dying and our hourly saddened sighs – if we choose to tune to ourselves. The repeated ugliness of the towns and cities destroys joy, creativity and our remaining hopes.

The morally empty lives we live. The fundamentally directionless lives we live. This is indeed destitution for rich and poor alike, for this lifestyle we are living through creates a crassness within our minds.

This is the ongoing decline of ‘culture’ that I am speaking of, and this is the exact same decline that every ancient civilisation once underwent, leading to their ultimate extinction.

This is our age of the decline and the deadness of our souls.

And as we surrender our sense of the self and joy to the opium, mass produced high-tech rubbish, nonsensical ‘culture’, so too do we lose our own minds.

The murder of Man is now abstract and no longer necessarily bloody: for it doesn’t really need to be bloody at all.

The destruction of the human race can and is being carried out far more efficiently by the greatest propaganda machine that has ever been created: the junk mass media culture of entertainment, hype, stupidities, fast services, bumper sticker intelligence, plasticity of tears and the deliberate ignoring of our noble feelings and emotions.

Mental Patient Writing Something

February 24, 2010


Ayad Gharbawi
February 19, 2010 – Damascus, Syria

I love you all you
Or, all of you
I guess
I should write

Happy ones
Yes you!
Living you all
Drinking air
Vacuous nonentities
Am I describing myself or yourselves?

Supreme in my brutal
Inertia is my magnificent pulse
Loss is my definition
That defines
My dumbest elemental stench

I live to see so-called teeth grinding
My teeth
I talk about
Am I being grammatical correct for you all?

Worms satanic
Eyeballs melting from Sorrrow
And they then
Bleeding and looking fractured and pale
Didn’t Sane People
Tell me
Eyes are Souls into
Our lost Selves?
Or, something similar?

Weeping Nerves
That are
To dry
To move
Without a breakdown
I am scared, in a bed, a room
I involuntarily break my idiotically stretched lips
So, I become shy
From you all onlookers
Doctors and Visitors
Or Relatives?
Who’s who here?

If I fake
That pointless
For any ashamed passerby
A sad banner
Shall be there –
Announcing my
Smashed structure
And functionless music
Will tell you my homeless address
Of my abandoned Mind and Flesh.

Oil on Canvas by Ayad Gharbawi