Posts Tagged ‘Mind’

Self Oppression Against Yourself

March 1, 2010

Self Oppression Against Yourself

Ayad Gharbawi

Those that greedily scorn you, they that persist in

Surrounding you and touching you;

Those that innately despise your Being, exist all around you

Screaming themselves to be your

‘Friends’, ‘Lovers’ and ‘Family’

But, think, I speak to you –

For, you are alien in thought and appearance to them

You are their reminders of what they themselves cannot ever Be

You create these Reflections of Fright that breathes

In their intertwined ribs of Perversities;

Listen! For you are what?

You are the Symbol Painful of their Evil

For these Sickening Sinner, who

Whenever contemplating the Lucid Portrait

That you have painted

And that you have so effortlessly

Exposed to their sickened sadistic Brains

And, yes, they become terrified;

Terrified of what, you ask me?

They become severely frightened

Of themselves

And that is why they turn their cheeks

From their own Sadistic Selves

From the portrait of themselves

And they twist now on to another path

Far removed from their own realities

And they thereby


Their murderous work

Understand, then, the Dangerous Emptiness which is around you

Understand, then, the Culture of Stupidity that they have surfaced from

For theirs is the land of silliness too real to behold

Theirs is the Land of Self-Fear

This is the land of Stupidity

The Civilisation of Plasticity

The Culture of Brainless Beautiful Bodies

Nations totalitarian render masses fearful of authorities on all levels

Yes, how true, but wait!

Nations democratic render masses fearful of what is within each Soul

Their stolen identities, lost and gone

The Screams of Munch reverberate and pound and murmur and sigh daily

In their varied manifestations and voices

In their varied moods and appearances within your insides.

Fear of one’s Self

The fear to discover human bonds, and not the norm

The fear to realize your need for Humanity, Warmth and Substance that

Cannot be attained

For, it does rarely reside in the homeland of the humans – the brain.

Yet, if loneliness and an island you become, you shall suffer accordingly

Social animals we are

Defective society turns your Personality, your Essence and your Being that is real

It turns and transforms you into the forests of Living Graves;

The same decomposing graves that are situated so deeply

Underground; and that lurk frightfully and mockingly

Within the sinister murkiness of your Disconnected Minds –

And then, you suffer necessarily, as you must, given your Unreasonable Realities

For, you are Alone and within Stillness, you exist

Existing in an open cage they call ‘Life’

And I call Self Oppression

And your varied passions and necessary needs do not hear their echoes

Nor do you see the murmurs of meaningful eyes from anyone anymore.

A dilemma such as this, needs to be understood and replaced

With healing ideas, Sacred and Eternal in their Supreme Serenity;

I tell you, o souls, Spiritual and Meek;

Treat the waxy masks around you,

Who casually call themselves your ‘Friends’, your ‘Lovers’, your ‘Family’

Treat them with your steel masks

Enjoy what you can enjoy

Try to nourish your bodily needs

There is no shame in that!

Even though they may be the driest fruits of your existence

For the recluse’s life can lead to further pains and mental torture

Read, write, sing; these Essences and Activities shall help

With the slowed passages of time

Co-exist, inasmuch as you can

Inasmuch as your masks allow you to co-exist

For you know, there shall be a tomorrow for you

The years of weariness and withering wilderness, shall cease

Hope in a superior tomorrow is a jewel and an essence of Humanity

The Fabric of your Life is that Hope

Without it, you suffer being but bitter and dying in your living

In between miserable conflicting strands of emotions and behaviour.


Is The Mind Unique For Each Person?

February 28, 2010


Ayad Gharbawi

October 24, 2009 – Damascus, Syria

When we ask ‘who am I’? let us say, that we are asking the question with the view that we are inquiring within the timeframe of that precise moment the question is being asked.

Who am I ‘now’, at this moment?

How do we define ourselves when asking that question within the time frame (TF) asked for?

Any mind, or observer (Ob), when thinking about himself, and when thinking about ‘who’ he is at that moment, will necessarily be able to think and visualise a finite number of thoughts, emotions and images.

This ‘finite’ number need not distract us here, but I do mention it precisely because we are asking this question within the ‘now’ context. Thus, there is not a lot of time to think and define.

Within the time frame of the ‘now’, any person can easily see his immediate surroundings; he can see and feel his body, he can sense his emotions, he can tell us of his current needs, loves, requirements, ambitions, failings, disappointments and so on. These facts can easily be spoken by any mind being asked this question. They are not difficult to be realized.

Do these attributes then define the essence of the Observer (Ob) in question?

Yes, for that particular short time frame (TF), the answer is yes.

It will sound to many people disappointing, because we are used to thinking and reading and listening to literature and to what our society and our culture telling us that our mind is unique, profoundly deep and even for some, mystical (whatever the latter term means).

But, when we ask ‘who are you right now’? then there is little that can be said to be so unique or profound in most people, precisely because most human beings cannot be so ‘unique’ within the same of a few seconds.

Thus, the time factor reduces our uniqueness factor to being a nonentity.

But does that mean we are all copies of one another?

No, it does not.

Why? Because one has to calculate that for every individual person, (Ob), the ‘now’ in question, will reveal unto us a certain, limited number of a matrix of emotions, feelings, surroundings and situations that can never be the exact same copy of the person next to you.

In other words, within the time frame (TF) of each Observer (Ob), you will find an infinite number of groupings of the constituents of the mind (com) – or, emotions, feelings, hopes, despair (see article, ‘Constituents of the Mind (com)’) and that no two people can have the exact same flavours, shades and hues of any emotion.

And so, within the context of a finite number of (com) as we discussed above, no two persons can ever have the exact same mind matrix.

However, we do need to stress this point, and that is, within any short time-frame, all people, and all minds, cannot be unique or deep in the sense that they are radically different from one another.

Thus if you meet a world famous philosopher or physicist, and you may think what a profound mind sits in front of me, that is fine, but it would be inaccurate. Why? Because unless this genius is in the process of thinking about profound matters, and if you were to ask him, ‘who are you now?’ then he would be forced (if he were honest and not an arrogant soul) to say to you that he is a mind that is currently made up of common emotions, thoughts and images.

Now we will move on to the mind in general terms, with respect to time.

Stretch time some more, and yes, the genius will certainly show us a unique mind when he is creating and thinking out the profound issues that interest him, but once he has finished from that process, he reverts to being no different to other people.

Some people may object by saying, “Yes, but this genius of ours, even when he’s not ‘being a genius’ is still so awe-inspiring and different’ in his behaviour”.

Yes, but so are millions of other people, who are certainly no geniuses, but they may equally inspire some people and impress others – all these are impressions by impressionable people. And if these impressionable people were to live with our genius on a day to day basis, they will eventually get to realize that the genius is a ‘genius’ for specific spaces in time, while during the rest of his waking hours he is not that different from the ordinary people.

The genius can shown us the products of his genius and we all say to him that yes, he does indeed have a unique mind, but that ‘unique mind’ can hardly be ‘unique’ all the time.

So if this essay is disappointing to some, then so be it.

The truth of the ‘reality’ is that the mind, for the most part, is not that different from anyone else, and we are not so ‘mysterious’ or fascinating as so many people seem to believe in.

Ayad Gharbawi

Blinded Eye – Ayad Gharbawi

January 22, 2010


Ayad Gharbawi


That faint

In their sudden life

Beginning to create

A passionate being

That suffers

From an embarrassing


That begs to kill

Her only

Eye’s belief.

Birth of Sorrow – Ayad Gharbawi

January 22, 2010


Ayad Gharbawi

From my life

I gave in

Surrendering to

A sudden


Of such

Serious Sorrow

That so wrecked

My once

Secure life

And therefrom

I did


Begging Soul – Ayad Gharbawi

January 22, 2010


Ayad bin Izzet

Come to hear

A tearful word

That so begs

An unheard Hatred

To begin to love

In her blackened life;

If only we can


In this trial

Of such a beautiful


An Old Suicide Note – Ayad Ghabawi

January 22, 2010


Ayad Gharbawi

From my eye

That once

Used to win

And now

Getting to be


In my own blood

That is still

So unreal.

So goodnight to all


Now I can gossip

About Death

That so far

May happen,

Just happen


A Wife’s Pleas – Ayad Gharbawi

January 22, 2010


Ayad Gharbawi

Come to please

This life

That so suffers

Her insides


In my life

That you love

I can only see

What truths

Can be so

Killing me.

A Sailor’s Letter

January 22, 2010


Ayad Gharbawi

Monument’s finale

Requiem disguised

An act to move through

So at last, the

Words crossing the land of shameless criminals

See their laughter of virgin tears venomous

Don’t you turn away again

Can’t you see these uncivil sinister trivialities?

You can be so alive to feel

But do not lie to me

No north, no south to change disturbed winds

Wither do they vanish, or wither do they rest?

None is relevant

Between us now

This moment defines


What grips your indefinable, unruly senses

Are copies of the same

Immaterial emotional fakery that is so chaining

Your mind, within and your mind outside

And all can see are your acts so feigning, so pretentious

Your bride of vision is within

Lying to ignore your disrupted mind

Your infrastructure so burdensome to all

Between us now

Yearn for this now

For the now

Is the definition true

Of existence

The existing now moment

Is what your Self is

Confront your scavenging rootless eyes

Loneliness needs nourishing roots

To fire off instincts

Of a thousand detrimental deceptive rainbows

So illusory

Upon their borrowed masks

They effectively employed to

Entertain and torture you


Don’t take it all so seriously

If your brittle dry nerves can

Words you mentioned can kill, didn’t you understand?

Ah! The symphonic movements of sincerity’s passions between us

In the stillest hours of solitude

And yet, within contexts of raging passions screaming

Inside caged ears

If you desire your needs essential

Forgetting all others who forgot you, abandoned you

The fiery dead and the numb living continue their interesting arguments

But are they not all one?

Yes, your decayed compass

Turns inside out

And all childhood is good and bad, churned together

Don’t ignore too much others who are in solitary pain

You hear or you do not hear

When all say they do love you so

Laugh, friendless friends, laugh seriously

Now you shall hear the serious reality of truth’s images

Sweet humans, how much longer will you sin?

You are all, simply

Existing to exist?


Can you not do better?

Can you not be compassionate?

Can you not be humane?

Can you not be understanding?


So, I resign

Lie in your fragrant bowels of multidinous crimes

Lie to your sickening madness that butchers fanatically


To your spastic shudders of evil emotions that reverberate within you

Hear the polite, stern winds emerging, demanding truth, justice and peace!

Bow your soul, Man, bow your sanity to God above you;

Respond respectfully, understandably

And try to think truthfully

A Madman’s Gesture

January 22, 2010



Ayad Gharbawi

In rooms of a time I called yesterday

The evenings were red I felt

The sunsets meant something final to me

A pointless hand gestured meaningfully

A sentence expressed passions

Where else did I paint scenes of life

You saw the conversations

The attempts

In instances hopeful

I cried once or twice

To create

The hope of love

And fulfilment, how strange

Glancing nowhere

Walking somewhere

Where do I exist?

I can be, I can love

Yet, in loneliness’ laws

Who is there

To love?

What Is The ‘Mental Plane’ As Per The Observer?

January 22, 2010


Ayad Gharbawi
January 21 2010 – Damascus, Syria

This is a concept I wish to introduce, given my articles on Consciousness Studies.
Have you ever noticed that you start your day and you are in a certain mood, and then some several hours later, by the evening, you find yourself in a completely different mood? Yes, that is certainly common. But, wait a minute. Notice some basic aspects here:
Notice the vast difference in moods – between the morning and the evening.
Notice, that more often than not, the Observer, does not remember that mood that he was in during the day timeline– unless, of course, if something traumatic occurs.
Indeed, when questioned or asked, about the mood that he was in during the morning, he will find himself surprised that he was indeed, in ‘that mood’ at that time, for, from the mood that he is now, which is evening time, he will be so far distant from the memory of that morning mood, so that it will seem somewhat ‘foreign’ to him. He may even ask himself: ‘Did I really feel and think that way early this morning?’
Notice, that the word ‘mood’ will soon be far more thoroughly explained in this particular article, so if there is a sense of ambiguity here over that word, please wait, and I shall soon explain what I mean.
I will argue that there has been changes in ‘mental planes’ of the person involved.
I will now present another example of what I define as the mental plane (mp).
An Observer is in a certain ‘mood’, and then goes to see an emotion-enticing film. He leaves the cinema and is, not surprisingly, affected emotionally speaking by the contents of the film he saw.
We can, therefore, say, that our Observer (Ob) who existed on being in a mental plane one (mp1), then did change into mental state of being in (mp2) after he finished seeing the emotion-filled film.
That is a beginning of our explanation for the mental plane (mp).
This is the basis of my argument – but this is not my final explanation of what the mental plane is.
Now, we need to explain, what exactly is this ‘Mental Plane’?
And how does one (mp) differ from another (mp)?
Let us go back to that word ‘mood’. What does that mean? Well, that means that Observer has a collection of emotions, thoughts and feelings that make him antagonistic and amicable to certain influences and attributes and emotions that may impinge on him.
The collective summation of these mutually antagonistic and mutually amicable emotions in relation to the Observer’s Mind and to his outside world, can well lead us outsiders, to classify or label the Observer in question as being ‘angry’, or ‘happy’ or ‘introverted’ etc.
That is fine and well, for our point of view – that is, we the outsiders.
But what about that which is going inside the mind of our Observer?
For inside the Observer’s Mind, we enter an entirely different world.
We now inevitably must ask: what, then, are the difference/s between the ‘mood’ and ‘mental plane’ as per the individual involved?
And here, the paths of the mood and the mental plane (mp) do part ways in profound ways.
A mood is a collection of emotions, feelings and other Constituents of the Mind (CoM) that are not as powerful as the existence of the Mental Plane (mp).
One of the most obvious definition of what the (mp) is when a person becomes intoxicated or is under the influence of mind-altering drugs. Clearly the consumer has different (mp) here than before he consumed these items.
But, it need not always be drugs and alcohol.
Take bereavement. Some relative of yours dies. You suddenly find yourself under a massive emotional change in your mind, mood, emotions and other (CoM). How long this lasts, is not relevant here, for Time will not be discussed here.
Let us first of all look at our Observer (Ob) as he sits there and nothing of any importance is really happening to him:

Mt1) ( x^(∝+) { 〖 (gav〗_1^(o )) + (〖Em〗_1^o) } ) .

In other words, Observer (Ob) is experiencing something routine and without any emotions, negative or positive. He is looking at his pleasant surroundings and is in a neutral mood.
Next, (Ob) hears that one of his relatives has just died:

Mt2) 〖 [ x〗^(∝+ ) { 〖Ev〗_1^(-1)} ].

The 〖( Ev〗_1^(-1) ) means: it is a particular Event (Ev) while the lower number (1) signifies what exactly this event is, which in our example, is the fact that our Observer (Ob) has just heard the news of the death in his family. The top (-1) implies that this particular Event is of a negative flavour.
Suddenly, upon hearing this awful news, our Observer is immediately affected, in negative ways, to this sad news. We can state, within our fluid mind matrix model (f3m) the following that can go on in the mind of our Observer:

Mt3) ( x^(∝+ ){ ■(〖Em〗_1^(-1)&m_1^(-1)&〖Em〗_2^(-3)@m_2^(-2)&t_1^(-1)&〖Em〗_3^(-2) ) } ).

Notice, I am deliberately not putting in the Time Frame here (tf), as our present study here wishes to concentrate on the mere understanding of how a mental plane is produced., without adding on the complicating factor of the time frame (tf).
In the above mental transaction (mt3), we find that Observer (Ob) has, within his mind, 6 Constituents of the Mind (CoM). Notice, that he experiences three different Emotions (Em), (Em1), (Em2) and (Em3). That means these 3 emotions are different emotions – they are all different emotions from one another. Fine. Next, notice, that each Emotion (Em) has differing degrees of negative intensities – thus (Em1 = -1) in terms of its negative flavour; whilst (Em2 = -3) which signifies that is a far more bitter emotion for our Observer. Finally, Emotion 3 (Em3) has flavour negativity of (-2). Next, we observe, that within our Fluid Mind Matrix Model, (Ob) experiences 2 memories and both are totally different in their images and, again, both are negative. Finally, Observer (Ob) experiences a negative thought (t1 = -1) which is also, not surprisingly negative, given the situation our (Ob) is in.
Now how do all these activities factor in with our concept of the Mental Plane?
Clearly, when, during Mental Transaction 1 (mt1), Observer (Ob) was feeling neutral:

Mt4) ( x^(∝+) { 〖 (gav〗_1^(o )) + (〖Em〗_1^o) } ) →

( x^(∝+) { 〖 (gav〗_1^(o )) + (〖Em〗_1^o) } ) 〖mp〗_1^o.
Thus, in our above mental transaction, our Observer, is in a neutral mood, and we can say that he was in a Mental Plane condition/flavour of being neutral, or represented by our zero.
However, after hearing the grievous news, we have seen the welter of emotions, thoughts and memories our Observer undergoes, and so we can say:

Mt5) ( x^(∝+ ){ ■(〖Em〗_1^(-1)&m_1^(-1)&〖Em〗_2^(-3)@m_2^(-2)&t_1^(-1)&〖Em〗_3^(-2) ) } ).

And that can only mean:

Mt6) ( x^(∝+ ){ ■(〖Em〗_1^(-1)&m_1^(-1)&〖Em〗_2^(-3)@m_2^(-2)&t_1^(-1)&〖Em〗_3^(-2) ) } ) 〖mp〗_2^(-2).

Thus, we can now see, given the Fluid Mind Matrix Model (f3m) that is whirling, interacting and reacting within the mind of our Observer, his ‘Mind’ has now clearly changed, given the awful news he has heard, and therefore, we can justifiably state that our Observer, following his hearing of the negative news (Ev-2), has now had his entire mind – his entire feeling of his consciousness, his entire feeling of his ‘Self’, his entire feeling of his own beingness – has changed into another mental realm, plane, than before he heard of the news, and that is exactly why we must describe the difference in the reality and structure of the mind of our Observer before and after hearing the news, as being so totally and radically different, and therefore as warranting our classifying the two differing mental situations as being of two minds – that is, these two minds are existing, feeling, interacting, experiencing different mental planes’. And by the latter – or, Mental Plane – I mean the complete totality of the feeling, that only exists for our particular Observer, of ‘what I am being, feeling, experiencing of “who” I am’ at this particular time’.
What is the importance of the (mp)?
The (mp) is usually short lived in people. Examples abound: we’ve already mentioned intoxicating drink and drugs; an emotional movie; any emotional scene (like witnessing a fight, an accident or a death), a charismatic person who has the ability of being inspirational – these are all examples of when a person enters a new mental plane.
Where the danger exists is when the affected person continues to be under the influence of the (mp) – this, of course happens with extremely charismatic leaders or individuals. Or, this can happen with ‘love’. Yes, when a person is besotted with another person and all for the wrong reason and simply cannot extricate himself from that euphoric feeling he gets every time he is with ‘his’ love and whenever he thinks of ‘his’ love.
The question of ‘false reality’ inevitably arises here, and we are soon on our way to the next obvious question, which is, very well, but what then do you mean by ‘reality’?
All I can say here – deliberately leaving the question of ‘reality’ aside – is that if the (mp) persists in the mind of the affected person and it is affecting him in negative ways, then he ought to try to get rid of the particular (mp).